He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
