I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
