Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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