True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
handjob tips. give me some.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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