I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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