i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
