I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
