she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
