FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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