You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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