hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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