it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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