Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
