that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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