But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
