we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
