What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
