I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
