BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
