apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had to cum in my sink.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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