are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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