it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
