we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't EVER smell your tampon
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
