Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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