the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
