Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
