there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think im going to throw up on grandma
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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