i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
