Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
