I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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