Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
