I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize