Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
