One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
