bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize