I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
