he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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