A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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