Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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