when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
