So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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