you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
