Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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