On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize