I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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