I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
