Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
