sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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