I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize