You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
