Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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