my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize