you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
