I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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