So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
