OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
