70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Shame - the story of my life.
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