yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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