I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
