Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
NoShamevember. You game?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
