It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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