His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
