your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
