he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
