There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
