Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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