woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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