operation harelip BJ is a go
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
