You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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